Complaining happens when we are dissatisfied with a current situation. It can be anything that sets us off such as getting cut in line or not getting the job we interviewed for. Expressing negative self-talk is a way of coping a situation that we don’t like, but it usually fails to address the real problem, which is finding a solution and moving on from it.
People unconsciously complain because it makes them feel good at times. If more people were aware that they were complaining, then they would make a better choice to not feel that way. The truth is complaining often makes us feel good inside when we develop a habit of complaining, especially when it draws negative attention to us. But not only does it leave a negative atmosphere, but it leaves an unhealthy way of living.
The truth is when people complain a lot, they develop a habit of complaining about more things later on. They turn trivial matters into big things. This is called drama. Drama feeds the ego. It may feel “somewhat” better by complaining, letting it out, or even getting some attention from others, but in the end, it’s just drama, and drama is counterproductive to living in peace.
Complaints can come in statements or they can come in questions. Statements are more direct such as:
- This food is pretty nasty.
- This weather is so gloomy today.
- This weather is too hot for me.
- Stupid car just cut me off.
- My classes are so boring.
- My job sucks.
- I wish I looked like her.
- I wish I was thirty pounds lighter.
- I wish I didn’t have to work.
- I hate my life.
Questions cause us to think about the situation and dig deeper into emotional turmoil.
- Why doesn’t she like me?
- Why doesn’t he like me?
- Why doesn’t anyone love me?
- Why can’t I have more money?
- Why do I have to live here?
- Why is my roommate so rude?
- Why is he so ignorant?
- Why is she so stubborn?
- Why do my parents argue so much?
- Why does the economy have to be so bad?
Maybe deep inside, we go through life complaining about some of the things listed above. No one is perfect, but limit complaining is the one first steps to living a way more stress-free life. Additionally, here are thirteen reasons why we should reconsider complaining next time we feel like doing it.
1. Complaining isn’t going to solve the situation.
When we complain, we’re not looking for a solution; we’re dwelling on the problem. The problem isn’t going to go away by blaming the problem. It’s going to stay there until we take proper action to solve it. This takes guts.
2. Complaining feeds on itself.
When we start to complain, we get used to it. We expect to complain the next time something small bothers us. It just gets worse and worse as it goes on until it becomes an addiction.
3. Complaining turns others off – big time.
Have you ever been with out with a group of friends and there’s always that person who’s complaining about their crummy roommate, their horrible job, and their lack of relationship? It just brings the whole mood down, even though people don’t want to say anything mean to that person.
4. Complaining is infectious.
If you’ve ever been in a group of people (not just one), who complain about their lives, you start to reflect on your own life and tell yourself that it isn’t that great either. You start becoming a victim of complaining without even being aware of it. When you complain, you also attract other complainers to you. Soon you guys are competing with each other about who has it the worse.
5. Complaining kills innovation.
Imaging being at a business meeting and everybody is complaining about their work. If there’s no hope, why even begin to create or introduce something new and different?
6. Complaining makes us passive.
We end up being “paralyzed” in our thoughts when we complain. Nothing is really going on outside even though on the inside it may seem like a hurricane. The world is moving while we are standing still.
7. Complaining causes inner anger.
Holding anger in ourselves is a miserable way to live life. It always feels like something is burning inside, and we want to feed the fire by blaming others and being right.
8. Complaining leads to a bad day.
When we complain about something, and hold our thoughts onto it, we associate our negative feelings towards other people and our own actions. This can result in a chain reaction to making worse things happen later.
9. Complaining makes the situation worse than it really is.
When we focus on complaining, we focus on only the negative, and become oblivious to the positive. Even when everything seems to be positive on the outside, we won’t be able to see it.
10. Complaining makes us selfish.
We have to realize that we are not the center of the universe. It may only seem like this because we are looking at our own pain through our own eyes. Realize that there are almost seven billion people out there and more half of them are in really horrible conditions.
11. Complaining makes us less humble.
We forget small things in life when we get into a loophole of complaints. It’s nice to be able to have clothes over our backs, to be able to drink clean water, to be able to have shelter over our heads, and to be alive and breathing.
12. Complaining is immature.
Kids complain often because they don’t get what they want. Adults because they don’t get what they want either, expect the “toys’ are just more expensive when they grow up.
13. Complaining means avoiding the present moment.
They are good for escaping what we do not like to face. Only when we have accepted the situation, then can we do something to move on from it.
Don’t fall in the trap of complaining. Allow the situation to happen. Let it be. When there is a problem or you are faced with something you don’t like, do something about it. Complaining is not going to help. Be grateful to have what you have and have an optimistic view about things. When everybody else is complaining about how bad life is, you will be the one to rise above that and move on.
photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
True words! While I’m still a complainer at times, days are generally much better when you take things easy.
One remedy to complain less here in Colombia, the country of large waiting lines and friendly anarchistic unpunctual people: Always bring a book. So you never start to complain when you have to wait!
Hehe. I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m waiting in line.
Hi Hulbert.
This is good stuff here.
I’m very much of a non-complainer, but there are occasional times when I will have self-talk that includes an indirect complaint of some type, and these reasons certainly do apply in those cases.
Complaining leads us down a road of nothing. We want to stay away from that road, and remain in the pro-active road.
Hey Armen, I agree that a pro-active road is a lot more beneficial for the future than a reactive-road. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Thanks for an excellent post. I particularly appreciate your observations on how complaining feeds on itself and causes inner anger.
I found your blog via a tweet from Dani at Positively Present and I’ll definitely be coming back to read more.
with all good wishes
Ananga
LivingbyDesign
Hey Ananga, that’s cool that you found my website through a tweet. Thanks for stopping by and and I wish you a good day too.
Great post Hulbert and complaining like you have highligthed is a negative way of coping..I have complained but don’t make it a habit….if it happens .. I tend to generally reflect and ask myself ,.what’s happened here, what have I learnt and how do I move on. “It is no use to grumble and complain; It’s just as cheap and easy to rejoice” ~James Whitcomb Riley…..
That’s an effective way to go about it Fatibony – asking yourself what happened here, what have you learned from it, and how do you move on from it. It resonates with that quote you provided. Thanks!
Great reminders! Complaining really does have an upside and it also robs us of our responsibility. When we complain about things we are really saying, “well, its his/her’s/their fault that I am miserable. When that happens, we are less likely to take action to change the situation.
I adopted a philosophy years ago that I still keep today. I never complain about something that cannot change. And never complain about something that I have the power to change. Seems to keep my mouth shut.
Thanks for posting
Haha nice one Ralph. That’s a good mentality to have.
Great post Hulbert, I actually announced a week of “no complaints ” this week. Not allowed to even a smallest complaint. We’ll see how it goes:)
Nice! I hope it goes well.
Great article Hulbert Lee! I agree with you but some times it gives positive. If we will not complain then we will not get justices. It depends on the topic. Anyway I rare make complain.
I understand where you’re coming from. Thanks Chris.
Complaining is the movement of the ego. Thanks, great pointers!
No problem Kaushik.
Very Timely Hulbert, Just y’day I left this message on my FB status – “You can worry about the bad possibilities, or look forward to the good opportunities. It’s your call” and it ties in very nicely with some of your points.
Really? That’s pretty cool man. Self-created complaining usually does lead to bad opportunities so thanks for sharing this Amit.
We all need to get ride of excuitus and take action. Leave complaining for e95 percent of people who do not succeed. We future millionaire round here, need hear no such thing as a complaint. We take action, so should you!
Nice, thanks for this reminder Jonathan.
I believe complaining can actually be a good thing, however.
If you complain you are actually letting go of the bad and are able to then welcome the new. Am I supporting complaining? Kinda but not really. I’m just saying you have to learn to not complain and live and complain in order to get there.
What do you think?
Hi Eric, I think I understand what you’re trying to say. You probably mean to complain in order to “let it out” in the open instead of holding them in. I think this can work sometimes. But if you make it a habit to always do this without being aware that you are, then it can eventually become a problem that’s hard to break out of.
Hulbert,
I love what Steve Pavlina once wrote about complaining: “Abuse of (your) Power”.
Thanks for your insights. There is certainly enough compelling reason to ditch the habit of complaining.
You’re welcome Christopher.