Verbal affirmations have been a popular topic involving goal-setting. Language is the most proactive form of communication and people nowadays believe that if you say something enough times, eventually you will condition your mind believe it. The essence of verbal affirmations involves setting a aside a period of the day, say 5 to 10 minutes, reaffirming a goal you have in mind as if it has already happened, and soon your mind will start to adopt belief, making it easier to reach the goal.

But the problem with this method is that aside from this period of time, we are constantly bombarded with other collective thoughts that conflict with our verbal affirmations.

Instead of forcing words out of the mouth to have power, it may be easier to change our external situation so that we are constantly bombarded with affirmations congruent to our goal. This is partially why advertisements make millions of dollars off of people. It works because they surround us everywhere. You can use this modeling the process to your advantage though.

Let’s take a very common example of losing weight. What you can do with verbal affirmations is tell yourself, “I have lost 5 pounds. I have lost 5 pounds. I have lost 5 pounds.” Depending on how strong you affirm these messages, for a brief moment in time, your mind will start to believe that you will have really lost 5 pounds. But there is also a good chance that after you say this and feel good about it, you find yourself walking to the nearest cabinet to eat a bowl of Fruit Loops.

Although you may have said that you have lost 5 pounds, your mind still can be affected by other things that may tell you otherwise. And you’ll constantly find yourself battling between your words and your actions. Verbal affirmations can help, but only to a degree. There are some more effective ways to your goal by conditioning other areas of your day, such as the people you hang out with, the environment you normally stay in, and the body language that you use.

People

Let’s go back to the example of losing weight. If you were a person that was obese, then it might not be the best idea to hang out with other obese people. By doing so, your mind will start telling itself that it’s okay to be obese. When you’re feeling down, you might even get support from others saying stuff like, “Don’t push yourself so hard” or “It’s okay to eat this sometimes; everybody’s human and needs a break.” These are affirmations from people telling you things that would contradict the goal of losing weight, but you would be unconscious of this because what they’re telling you makes you feel good about yourself.

In contrast, if you were a person who is obese, although it may feel uncomfortable, it would be a better idea to hang out with people who are fit (ideally people who are fit and positive). When you’re around them, you will probably get statements like, “Instead of eating this, try this” or “These exercises really help burn calories; you should try them out.” The mere presence of these people along with their support will reaffirm in your mind that this is what you want to look like and will encourage you to take action related to your goal.

Environment

Your environment plays a huge role in how your mind works. If you look around your environment, it may be a representation of your beliefs. Let’s go back to the example of losing weight. Imagine a place where the kitchen counter has stocks of white bread and chips. The inside of the refrigerator has peanut butter, jelly, salsa, butter, and Coke-Cola. The freezer is filled with at least a dozen boxes of microwavable food. This would be a very hard place to lose weight because the environment is telling you, “Eat me.”

Now imagine a kitchen counter with only tangerines. You open the refrigerator and you see bottles of water. Your house consists of tangerines and water. Although this is a slight exaggeration, you wouldn’t even need to verbally give yourself affirmations because the environment is providing it for you already. You would start to lose weight unconsciously.

Body Language

Although there are many other factors that can help affirmations, the last one I’m going to talk about here your body. You’re body language is often a measurement of what you believe. Even the smallest things sometimes matter. For example, how would the body affect an obese person? Well, if a person were to really take the goal seriously, they wouldn’t lie around the coach. They wouldn’t slouch because this can represent a negative attitude. Instead, act as if you were fit.

So the second question is what does a fit person look like? If you’ve ever seen a fit person walk in public, most people don’t walk with lazy or slouching posture. They like to show off their body. They walk straight. They hold their head with confidence. They smile because they are proud of their accomplishments. All of these things from their body language represent who they are inside.

Maybe you’re a person who has read a pop-psychology book that hypes up the importance of verbal affirmations by reading them aloud to yourself every day. Realize that the only way to really test out whether you are truly serious about achieving a goal in mind is to test your beliefs. Verbal affirmations is probably one of the the least effective ways to do this because they are often overridden by other areas that affect your life such as the people you normally hang out with, the environment that you stay in, and the body language that you put out. Change as many factors that you can think of that give you affirmations of what you want to achieve or who you want to be, and you’ll have an a lot easier time naturally developing a belief that, in the end, helps you get there.

Photo Credit: BozDoz

In life, we are often encountered by many problems that stop us from doing what we want to do. Most of these things however are only happening in our mind. If you’re ever scared or doubtful to do something, ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

Don’t take it so literally though. I don’t mean repeatedly going visualizing the worst possible scenario of getting punched in the face and then going out and picking a fight with a stranger. That’s not too smart. What I do mean by this is for you to be able to break a limitation that is stopping you from doing something that you have been wanting to do.

There have studies done showing that the mind cannot differentiate between what’s going on inside to the real thing happening on the outside. We are often afraid to ask the question of what is the worst thing that can happen because we don’t want to even begin facing unwanted emotions. But if you can go through a visualized worst possible scenario in your head over and over again, eventually you’ll be able to go through it in real life.

For example, maybe you (and this happens a lot nowadays) are working somewhere you don’t really enjoy and would rather work someplace else. Although your current job of working under somebody else is paying for all your bills, the job is very restrictive. What you really want to do is start a small business with a group of people – you’re the boss, you have an assistant, and you have two to three people working under you guys.

The problem is this requires a lot of time and a lot of capital. You might even need investors to invest in you before making it work and there’s a chance you might also have to sacrifice the job that is supplying you with income.

The truth is a lot of people go through these kinds of dilemma or at least something similar. Most people, when encountered by possible dilemmas will continue to do the job that they have because they don’t have enough faith or confidence in themselves to pursue a dream. They’re afraid of something horrible that might happen.

That’s when this question comes into play: asking what is the worst possible scenario of starting a small business with a team of four to five people from scratch?

The worst possible scenario I can think of is not earning enough income to pay the employees and continue the company. This would make the employees mad and eventually quitting the company, causing the business to go bankrupt, and resulting in more debt than before the business even started.

Now that the worst possible scenario is out there, you know what to expect. The best way to deal with it is simply good preparation. A good laid out business plan would be able to overcome any worst possible scenario or scenarios if it is well planned out.

A good business plan would cover everything, as accurately as possible, including all expenses of how much the business needs, how the employers are getting paid, all taxes including federal, state, county, and sales, and of course, insurance. It would cover monthly projections for the next two years and quarter projections for the three years after that.

It would be strong enough to overcome any every external and internal hurdle or obstacle from lack of capital, competition, changes in the marketplace and economy to fear, doubt, lack of confidence, lack of experience and knowledge, and so on. Finally, it would mean that for every month that goes by, you as the boss, would make sure that you have hit the monthly income projection. This knowledge would ensure you that if you continue at the same pace, eventually you would be able to hit the intended goal.

The point is whether we are dealing with business, social relationships, or anything that involves high risk, identifying what the worst possible scenario is before hand will help us be able to break through any limitation that’s stopping us from starting. Once we get that done, good preparation, whether it’s written or mentally rehearsed over and over again until we feel like it can be achieved on a gut level, then it’s time to go for it.

Everything that we are scared of in life that’s stopping us from achieving it is most likely from a fear of something horrible happening. A dream then only becomes a glimpse of imagination in our daily thoughts. Even in encountering something horrible or encountering a “worst possible scenario” that you imagined before hand, there is always something that we can learn from it.

As stated in one of the most sacred texts of India – The Bhagavad Gita:

Even in the knocks of life we can find great gifts.

This means that even if you happened to encounter a worst possible scenario, you can still find something special in it. By knowing what you’re dealing with and knowing that something good can come out of it no matter what it happens to be, there should be nothing out there challenging enough that we cannot eventually overcome.

Photo Credit: dospaz

Complaining happens when we are dissatisfied with a current situation. It can be anything that sets us off such as getting cut in line or not getting the job we interviewed for. Expressing negative self-talk is a way of coping a situation that we don’t like, but it usually fails to address the real problem, which is finding a solution and moving on from it.

People unconsciously complain because it makes them feel good at times. If more people were aware that they were complaining, then they would make a better choice to not feel that way. The truth is complaining often makes us feel good inside when we develop a habit of complaining, especially when it draws negative attention to us. But not only does it leave a negative atmosphere, but it leaves an unhealthy way of living.

The truth is when people complain a lot, they develop a habit of complaining about more things later on. They turn trivial matters into big things. This is called drama. Drama feeds the ego. It may feel “somewhat” better by complaining, letting it out, or even getting some attention from others, but in the end, it’s just drama, and drama is counterproductive to living in peace.

Complaints can come in statements or they can come in questions. Statements are more direct such as:

• This food is pretty nasty.
• This weather is so gloomy today.
• This weather is too hot for me.
• Stupid car just cut me off.
• My classes are so boring.
• My job sucks.
• I wish I looked like her.
• I wish I was thirty pounds lighter.
• I wish I didn’t have to work.
• I hate my life.

Questions cause us to think about the situation and dig deeper into emotional turmoil.

• Why doesn’t she like me?
• Why doesn’t he like me?
• Why doesn’t anyone love me?
• Why can’t I have more money?
• Why do I have to live here?
• Why is my roommate so rude?
• Why is he so ignorant?
• Why is she so stubborn?
• Why do my parents argue so much?
• Why does the economy have to be so bad?

Maybe deep inside, we go through life complaining about some of the things listed above. No one is perfect, but limit complaining is the one first steps to living a way more stress-free life. Additionally, here are thirteen reasons why we should reconsider complaining next time we feel like doing it.

1. Complaining isn’t going to solve the situation.

When we complain, we’re not looking for a solution; we’re dwelling on the problem. The problem isn’t going to go away by blaming the problem. It’s going to stay there until we take proper action to solve it. This takes guts.

2. Complaining feeds on itself.

When we start to complain, we get used to it. We expect to complain the next time something small bothers us. It just gets worse and worse as it goes on until it becomes an addiction.

3. Complaining turns others off – big time.

Have you ever been with out with a group of friends and there’s always that person who’s complaining about their crummy roommate, their horrible job, and their lack of relationship? It just brings the whole mood down, even though people don’t want to say anything mean to that person.

4. Complaining is infectious.

If you’ve ever been in a group of people (not just one), who complain about their lives, you start to reflect on your own life and tell yourself that it isn’t that great either. You start becoming a victim of complaining without even being aware of it. When you complain, you also attract other complainers to you. Soon you guys are competing with each other about who has it the worse.

5. Complaining kills innovation.

Imaging being at a business meeting and everybody is complaining about their work. If there’s no hope, why even begin to create or introduce something new and different?

6. Complaining makes us passive.

We end up being “paralyzed” in our thoughts when we complain. Nothing is really going on outside even though on the inside it may seem like a hurricane. The world is moving while we are standing still.

7. Complaining causes inner anger.

Holding anger in ourselves is a miserable way to live life. It always feels like something is burning inside, and we want to feed the fire by blaming others and being right.

8. Complaining leads to a bad day.

When we complain about something, and hold our thoughts onto it, we associate our negative feelings towards other people and our own actions. This can result in a chain reaction to making worse things happen later.

9. Complaining makes the situation worse than it really is.

When we focus on complaining, we focus on only the negative, and become oblivious to the positive. Even when everything seems to be positive on the outside, we won’t be able to see it.

10. Complaining makes us selfish.

We have to realize that we are not the center of the universe. It may only seem like this because we are looking at our own pain through our own eyes. Realize that there are almost seven billion people out there and more half of them are in really horrible conditions.

11. Complaining makes us less humble.

We forget small things in life when we get into a loophole of complaints. It’s nice to be able to have clothes over our backs, to be able to drink clean water, to be able to have shelter over our heads, and to be alive and breathing.

12. Complaining is immature.

Kids complain often because they don’t get what they want. Adults because they don’t get what they want either, expect the “toys’ are just more expensive when they grow up.

13. Complaining means avoiding the present moment.

They are good for escaping what we do not like to face. Only when we have accepted the situation, then can we do something to move on from it.

Don’t fall in the trap of complaining. Allow the situation to happen. Let it be. When there is a problem or you are faced with something you don’t like, do something about it. Complaining is not going to help. Be grateful to have what you have and have an optimistic view about things. When everybody else is complaining about how bad life is, you will be the one to rise above that and move on.

photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov

Hello and I hope everybody had a happy new year yesterday! Since it’s the beginning of the year, I wanted to talk about some effective strategies for really making your new year’s resolutions happen this year, if you happened to have made one for yourself. These are some of the fundamental strategies to goal setting, but if you can get this down, you will be able to reach your resolution by Jan. 1, 2011.

All successful people who have reached their goal, whether it was losing more weight or making more money, have used these techniques and principles. But there is a different between knowing and applying. I hope you not only just read what follows, but actually apply them to whatever it is that your are trying to go for before the year flies by again. The first of these techniques is to…

Be Specific

Let’s say your goal was to lose weight. Rather than have a vague new year’s resolutions, make it more specific so you can actually measure your results. Instead of saying, “I want to lose this fat by next year” you want to say something such as “I want to lose 50 pounds by January 1, 2011” or I want to weigh (insert desired amount of weight) by January 1, 2011. The reason you want to be specific is so that you can mark down your process and track it down during each week of the months of the year. This is so you have a clear idea to whether or not you are making it, and if not, you will know that you need to push harder.

Figuring Out Why

Let’s say you were a heavy drinker in 2009 and you wanted to quit alcohol for an entire year. You have to figure out your why. Why are you going to do that? Your why has to be strong enough so whenever you look back at why you are quitting alcohol, you feel motivated to doing so. Maybe your reason for quitting is because you were tired of getting wasted every other day, maybe your reason for quitting is something health related such as alcohol was destroying your liver, or maybe your reason for quitting is just to maintain a healthier life and to be more productive during the day. Whatever it is, you have to make sure your why gives you enough desire to override anything kind of excuse that you might have later in the future.

Visualization

Let’s say you wanted to be a calmer person this year. This is actually quite simple if you just envision yourself doing so. The mind cannot tell the difference between what’s going on inside of it to what’s the reality outside of it. If you constantly envision yourself becoming the person that you want to be, eventually your subconscious mind will think they you are that person. Actors do this. Athletes do this. Speakers do this. Anybody can do it, but you must learn to relax, close your eyes, and create a picture or a short movie scene of yourself played out in your mind. The goal of visualization is not only to see it, but to feel it. Once you start to feel whatever it is that you want, in this case become a calmer person, eventually you’ll naturally become calmer without even realizing it.

Remind Yourself

Let’s say your new year’s resolution was to become a more positive person this year; give yourself reminders everywhere. You might want to go as far as buying a pack of yellow sticky notes and putting in places such as on bathroom mirrors (so you can see them as you’re brushing your teeth), on your room door (so you can see in when you come into our room or when you walk out), and by somewhere in your office (so you can see it every time you’re working). Another good ways is whatever new year’s resolution you have, write it down on a 3 x 5 index card and put in your pocket so at random times during the day, you can reach down there and remind yourself of it. Doing this constantly remind your subconscious mind of it and eventually it will carry itself out into reality.

Believe in Yourself

Let’s say your new year’s resolution was to find a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a potential spouse, or just get into a romantic relationship with somebody. You may not be the most attractive person on earth, you may not be the sexiest person on earth, and you may not have the most charming personality on earth, but one thing you do need to have is that you have to believe in yourself enough to do anything, and stuff will seriously start to magically happen when you do. Constantly tell yourself that if I get out there every day and meet somebody new without anybody’s approval but my own, eventually somebody will open up, talk to me, and like me for who I am. Always believe in yourself. You’re just as good as anybody else on the planet despite where you come from.

Don’t Be Afraid of Fear

Let’s say already had a relationship going on, but you spend most of your time with your girlfriend or boyfriend (I’m sure you know a couple of these people). Now you want to actually have a group of friends so you can talk about more than just everything you know about your lover, but the thing is you have forgotten how to communicate with other people! Well, the fastest way to do this is just to start talking to other people who are as scared of talking to people like you are. You may feel anxiety coming up whenever that thought comes up, but you can’t be afraid of fear. Fear is not real and you have to be able to face fear but tackling it instead of avoiding it. The more you practice talking to random people, the more you will be able to turn fear into positive energy. This will make you want to talk to more people and result in making more friends with them.

Making it into a Game

Let’s say your new year’s resolution was to make ten thousand dollars in passive income this year. Why not try something different than most people? Instead of being serious all the time, why not make the process of making money into a fun game. Sometimes making money can be frustrating and not-so-fun when you take your business really seriously. But if you can turn it into a game like Monopoly of Life, or maybe some sort of other creative board game where you mark your progress from “Start” to “Finish,” you will find making money, especially the path to making ten thousand dollars a year in passive income fun, exciting, and something you’ll look forward to everyday, rather than dull, repetitive, and boring.

Work Hard for It

Let’s say you wanted to gain more muscles this year – maybe thirty pounds of muscle because you think you’re too skinny of a person. You’ve probably heard of the saying “no pain, no gain”. As simplistic as it is, most people do not like to hear the words working hard. But in anything in life, there’s not easy way out of it. Most of the things that are worth going for in life require us to really work hard for it – whether this is spending hours training your mind and focusing or whether this is dripping hours of sweat, you have to have push yourself and work harder than anybody else that’s next to you. When you’re working out at the gym, don’t settle for doing the same pounds of weight each time just because you can do it, add a little bit more weight every time and go through that pain. Eventually, you’ll be able to grow stronger and gain more muscles throughout the body.

Always Stay Persistent

Let’s say your new year’s resolution was to quit smoking. This is one of the hardest things for people to do because of how nicotine affects the chemistry of the brain. Maybe you have tried many times during the year and the month you see the months of 2010 go by. As each month goes by, you get depressed because you never can seem to quit smoking. You got to stay persistent and you got to keep trying though. Winners don’t quit! And you’re a winner. Do whatever it takes to stay persistent because you know that 365 days is a long time to stay committed to one goal. If you stay persistent, eventually you’ll find a way to break through.

Reward Yourself

Finally, if you done all the steps of above. Don’t forget to reward yourself. What are some small pleasures that you like to do? Maybe it’s sipping on some coffee and reading a magazine at a coffee place, maybe it’s just calling some friends up and grabbing something to eat, maybe it’s just relaxing at home and doing nothing but listening to your favorite music. Our brains are constantly in “thinking mode” 24 hours of the day.  After a hard days of work, or even if it’s just accomplishing small tasks throughout the day, reward yourself to give your mind a break.

Whatever your new year’s resolution is, I hope you can make it. But remember, after reading this you may think that you know everything and brush it aside. That would be a waste of time for both of us. Really apply these principles. They are the most fundamental principles to goal setting but if you do them, you will definitely be on your way to success. So good luck to you. I hope by the year 2011, whatever resolution you have set forth for yourself right now will be resolved by then.

photo credit: pfala

There will be times when we are simply thinking too much and worrying about too much during the day. Whether it’s bills not being paid on time, working on a complicated project, having to deal with difficult people, or not knowing exactly where you are going in life, stress and frustration from our busy lives is no doubt one of the biggest emotional blocks that stop our daily routine.

That’s why sometimes it is important to have a period in the day where you not only block out your worrisome and troublesome thoughts, but regain clarity again so you can go back to working on whatever you were doing with peaceful energy. Here are some visualization techniques to help you become calmer whenever you feel like you’re stressed out.

Finding a Peaceful Area

The first and most important step is to find a place where it is completely quiet and that you will not be distracted. The next step is to calm yourself, close your eyes, and visualize someplace that you would like to be where you know you would be at absolute peace with yourself and that nothing can distract or disturb you. There’s nobody here except you. Not only are you there, but you are conscious of your surroundings, including not only what you are seeing, but what you’re smelling, tasting, hearing, and feeling during the moment.

Before We Start

Note that visualization is something that not everybody is good at. Some people can are more visually creative than others. But with practice, it should become a piece of cake and a valuable tool whenever you need it. Also, don’t ever try to force a visualization process as you won’t get the most out of it. You need to stay calm and start with one vividly detailed and clear image and then build from there. Sometimes you will encounter haziness in your images. Don’t panic, just put your attention on it and try to discover it. See if it clears up.

Finally, pay attention to how you are viewing the scene. Sometimes we get caught up in the scene where we are “seeing ourselves” see the scene. Instead, try to shift the perspective so that you are actually viewing the entire scene behind your own eyes as if it were in first person mode.

Although I am not a fictional writer or poet, I have done my best to try to provide five examples of places that I would go if I wanted more peaceful state with myself. You can use these examples and add on to them or create another place similar to your liking. It is more effective if you read each slowly. Finally remember it is your imagination that makes all the difference.

The Beach

You have just put the suntan lotion on your skin. You walk onto the beach and feel the warm sand beneath your feet. You sit down on the sand and feel it. The sand is soft and warm and as you pick it up, it runs through your fingers like liquid. You then lie on your back and feel the warmth of the sand conforming to your body. It’s a clear day and you feel the warmth of the sun on your body as you look out and see the waves of water crashing along the shore. The smell of fresh air with a tint of saltiness consumes you as you continue to listening to the water splashing on the sandy shores.

The Mountain

You have just finishing spending an hour walking through the mountain side and finally you have reached the peak. You feel energized and take out your water. As the cool water is running down your throat, you look beyond the edge. It’s an amazing view. You can see the entire city right before your eyes – the houses, the freeways, the skyscrapers, and just how busy the entire city looks. For once, you feel absolutely no smog or pollution here and the air has never looked so clear before. The city is surrounded by other mountains and valleys and you are glad to be a part of this circle surrounding the city below, as it makes you wonder how small you are in comparison to nature. Even though you know the city is loud and busy below, the mountain is peaceful and quiet.

The Lake

You are slowly sailing a boat on a vast lake. As you’re sailing, you can feel the softness of wind breezing past your face. Everything seems so vibrant and clear. There is crystal clear below you and you can see the sun reflecting off the surface of the rippling water as the fishes are swimming below it. You can smell the freshness of the air and see the vibrant colors from the green valleys that are on the sides of the lake. You at peace as you are slowly sailing in the middle of this quiet lake and the clouds in the sky slowly move with you in harmony.

The Forest

You are in a forest lying on a trail beneath a circle of very tall trees. You can smell the air scented with pine. The warmth of the sun streams through the breaches and the leaves of the trees. A warm wind comes by and softly brushes against your skin and ripples through the soft, green moss besides you. You can hear the rustling of the leaves and the bending of the branches as each soft, slow breeze passes by. You can hear the song of the birds, and the chattering of the chipmunks above. You feel serene in the deepest part of this beautiful, still forest.

The Train

You are riding in a private car at the end of a very long train. The windows are large so you can observe the view outside with absolute clarity. The speed of the train feels as if you are flying through a vast countryside. You sit down on a comfortable, cushy, and warm seat. In front of you is a coffee table laid out with your favorite magazines. You lay back with relief as a panorama of mountains, trees, snowcapped peaks, and a lake shimmers in the distance. The sun is setting and the sky is washed with purples and reds, filled with towering orange clouds. You sit back, relax, and ease into the rhythm of the soft, rocking train.

photo credit: the tahoe guy

During our current times when there is much to fear and worry about, what many people resort to is having more will power. Haven’t you ever heard of that if there’s a will there’s a way or that if you want to get to a destination, you absolutely need to have will power in you. You might have also heard that without will power, you will fail to reach your goals.

So what happens next? We put our foot to the ground and yell, “This is it! It’s time to take it serious! From now on, I will to try as hard as I can to get to my goal!” This gets us pumped up. But from my experience, I have learned that will power can often times be misleading and contradictory.

In college, I remember there were certain tests that I made me really nervous. To prepare, I would study like crazy in my dorm room. I often felt completed burned out the day prior to the test. On test day before entering the lecture hall, I would tell myself, “Okay, I have studied endless hours these past few days. It’s time to focus all my energy right now during this moment. Nothing else matters. When it’s over, then I can relax.”

As the test was handed to me, I could feel my entire body tensed up through the test taking process. When time was running out, I kept thinking, “I have to hurry!” My handwriting became worse, I kept finding myself erasing my answers, and even the led on my pencil became dull but I did not bother to change it!

At this point, even though I felt that I had studied harder than some of the people that I knew who were taking the test, but my gut feeling was telling me that I blew it this time and I should have studied harder. When I got the results back, I was right. I forgot about the test and focused on doing better the next test. But the same thing happened, and it just became a cycle that I grew used to.

Although my grades weren’t bad, I wanted them to be perfect. I wanted to get straight A’s and I knew this particular girl in my dorm that all A’s. The weird thing was every time I saw her, her face calm and happy. I couldn’t describe it really. It wasn’t overly excited, but not completely emotionless. It was just light and relaxed. She had a peaceful confidence about her that obviously different from my crazed self.

My dad had taught me that in order to get something, often times you must grit your teeth for it – an expression meaning nothing in life comes without pain, hard work, and struggle. This girl, however, seemed to reject all those ideas that were ingrained in my mind.

So one day before taking an exam, I walked up to her asked her, “So did you study yesterday?”

“No,” she said.

“Really? Wow, you must be prepared.”

“I am. Did you study yesterday?”

“Yeah, I barely got any sleep. I hope I do well on this test!”

“I’m sure you will.”

“Thanks. So… if you weren’t studying yesterday, what were you doing?”

“Watching a funny movie and eating popcorn.”

Upon hearing this, I almost fell on the floor.

When the results came in however, she had got a better score than me. I was so astonished and wondered how could she always have such an indifferent attitude and do so well. It was then I discovered I had been approaching getting my goals the wrong way. In other words, I was trying too hard.

Our parents, teachers, and speakers have educated and told us that life is going to be hard, that is it going to be an upwards struggle. After years of having this belief in me, I realized that life isn’t really that hard. Sometimes getting to our goal isn’t that hard either. But what we do well as human beings is making it harder on ourselves than it really is.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Can life really be easy? I think a lot it has to be a lack of self confidence. The reason we exert so much will power in ourselves is because we feel we can’t do it by ourselves, that life is not supposed to come easy, and we need “something else” to help us or give us a certain cushion that makes us feel comfortable again.

The contradictory thing about will power is that it can hurt us more than it can help us. When you’re telling your mind that you need will power, you’re basically sending an indirect message to your mind saying that there is a problem right now or an obstacle ahead. This attracts all different kinds of feelings such as anxiety, frustration, and fear. The more “will power” we put in the process really means that we are putting more force into the process which results in obstruction in the process.

Instead, do the opposite. Tell the mind what you want to feel, what you want the process to be like, and what you want the end result to be like. This is what I have learned from the girl. When I was thinking about how difficult the test might be, and how much effort I need to put in studying, that’s what I got. She on the other hand was probably thinking how the test was going to be a breeze, that the process was going to be easy, and why be nervous before a test when you can be laughing and feeling good before the day of the test.

So try to keep in mind that if you find yourself trying too hard, or forcing will power upon yourself, there’s a good chance that you very may get the opposite of what you wanted.  Although it is good to work hard, there’s no need to overexert yourself or cause unnecessary or additional stress on top of you already have.

The process can be easy – relax.

photo credit: toolfan.hess

Most people in the world think success is about getting something. Maybe this something is losing more weight to look good in front of others. Maybe this something is making more money to be able to buy anything in the world. Maybe this something is working at the top floor of a skyscraper looking out into the city. And until that point happens, they consider themselves either a failure or not successful.

In my opinion, success if often only an illusion that comes from many fake, smiling advertisements that show that if you have this, then you’ll be successful. It has never been farther from the truth.

To me, success has always been about mastering the process towards the result, rather than achieving the result from the process itself.

Do you think people who want to become professional athletes want to become successful because of the millions of dollars they can make? The people who have answered yes are correct, but they will never make multimillion dollars. Most successful athletes are not worrying about the result of money; they are successful because are working on mastering their skill, which is a never ending process.

You can see it from the faces of indifferent NBA players that they don’t care anymore. They have been drafted in the NBA and they most likely at least make 6 figures a year even if they’re not playing. But this attitude is the difference between playing on the court or sitting on the bench, and they are the ones sitting on the bench.

The day we stop growing, is the day we stop becoming successful. This is why I don’t always necessary agree with the “-est” suffix.

• Best
• Smartest
• Fastest
• Wisest
• Coolest

These words are illusions of success because people think, “Wow, if I can be the smartest or wisest person on earth, I’ll be a success!” So they go on pursuing a dream that just doesn’t exist. If you think you have all the knowledge in the world, sorry to say but there’s still more to know. If you’re Usaine Bolt and you’re the fastest person on earth, you can be faster. If you think you’re the coolest person in your class, the bad news is that there’s someone across the street that’s probably cooler (sorry to burst your bubble).

Ultimate success is not a result of something, and if we continue to think this way, it’s just going to limit the possibilities of what we can really do as individuals.

If you can master how to make any jump shot with 70% accuracy, you won’t have to worry about money. Larry Bird and other scouts will put you on a team. If you master how to write like Steven King or J.K. Rowling, publishers will fight with each other to get your work out there. If you have master how to win a debate, you won’t have to worry about losing another argument with your spouse again – just kidding.

The point is, it isn’t about being the best. It’s about handling the worst.

Michael Jordan didn’t say, “I’ve made more than 30,000 points in my career. I’ve been MVP 4 times in my life. 6 times, I have achieved the NBA championships, all with the same team. I’ve won over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Although he has achieved all this, he rather focuses on telling the world what the process really looks like when getting there. And it’s not always pretty as he tells the world:

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 hundred games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

To get something, you need to focus on the process. Success is more about mastering your process of getting to that something rather than that something in your hands.

You most likely will find the process to a certain result you want frustrating, you may get rejected again and again and again, you may be in financial pressure, or in general, you may find the process mentally and physically difficult.

But it is how you handle the process that will separate you from the crowd. Because as everybody else is obsessing over the results they can have, you are worrying about what you can do a little bit better in the moment.

Success is like a flowing stream. Never stop practicing, never stop learning, never stop growing, and never stop giving back to the world. Do this, and you’ll start to see the illusion of success fade away, as you will already be a success yourself.

photo credit: C.P.Storm

Respect is the feeling we get from other people who have certain qualities we think are valuable. For me, it was my freshman high school basketball coach. He was this really built man with a devilish goatee who enjoyed yelling in your face. I did not like this man. In fact, I hated his guts.

But I certainly did respect this man, as well as the rest of the team. When he told us to run around the court, we ran. When he told us to get on the ground, we did pushups. When he told gave us orders, we obeyed. We all respected this man because he knew how to run a disciplined basketball team similar to how a general runs his army.

Now if some random kid came up to us and told us to do the same thing, three things would probably happen. One, the kid would be ignored. Two, the kid would be laughed at. Three, we would tell the kid to step off the court. Not to be mean, but nobody would take the kid seriously. This is because the kid doesn’t have the same respect from the team as the coach does.

What’s the difference between the kid and coach? There both human beings. But the reason why we respect the coach is because he represents values that are far more important than us, values such as getting things done, being a successful team, making each of us stronger individuals.

If we told the kid and the coach what we wanted to do, their responses might be the same, “Okay.”

But the difference is that the kid doesn’t care whether or not you follow through with your words and you don’t care if you follow through with it either.

The coach however expects you to follow through and if you don’t, you’ve just lost respect from him. He walks away and you’re on your own again, with a feeling of not being worthy enough.

I know this treatment may be harsh, and it’s not something that sensitive people might support, but it was what motivated our entire basketball team to go through hours and hours of endless workout routines and drills for an entire basketball season. This all affected us academically, socially, mentally, and emotionally in order to strengthen us physically. If we didn’t have respect for the coach, none of this would have happened.

So my question to you is this. Who do you respect? Who do you admire? Who do you look up to? It doesn’t have to be a coach. Maybe it’s a friend. Maybe it’s your family member. Maybe it’s a distance relative. Maybe it’s a mentor. Maybe it’s a successful business person. Maybe it’s someone that you just plain take seriously.

The next question is what is your goal?

Maybe it’s to quit drinking. Maybe it’s to quit smoking. Maybe it’s to make more money. Maybe it’s to lose more weight. Maybe it’s to run a marathon. Maybe it’s to build more muscle. Maybe it’s to learn a new language. Maybe it’s to find a relationship. Maybe it’s to get over a relationship. Maybe it’s to back to college and get another degree. Maybe it’s to be a better you!

Whatever your goal happens to be, here’s an activity that will help motivate you to make that goal happen.

Tell people that you respect that you will accomplish your goal.

The reason this motivates you is because of the following reasons.

1. There has to be a good reason that you respect them. It could be that they have accomplished something worthy or great, so you look up to them and don’t want to let them down.

2. If you respect your friend or friends enough that when you tell them that you’re going to accomplish your goal, that you’re going to go through with it. If you don’t, you might lose a little bit of respect from them or they might not want to believe your words again.

3. You have a strong identity that doesn’t lie. When you tell others that you will get something done, you mean it. In other words, you want to protect your identity.

4. By accomplishing your goal, you will have something to share with the people you admire. You became a part of a group with certain qualities that you guys think are valuable.

5. Finally, there’s something at stake. If you tell people that you respect or admire and they believe in you, but you don’t follow through, maybe you won’t have the ability to show your face to them again. Here, you’re motivated by fear of being defeated by your own words.

I know if I told my coach that I wanted to be a basketball coach that I wanted to become a better player at the end of the season, I know he would have pushed me to limits beyond what I could endure. I also know that I would do everything that I can in order to follow through with my words.

Meet somewhere with somebody you respect and sincerely tell them that you are setting forth to finish a goal – small or big – that you will accomplish. It may take some confidence and courage, but people are willing to listen, support, and encourage you. Most importantly, whenever you think about them, you will feel motivation to finishing your goal faster and showing them that you can do it.

photo credit: ktylerconk

Happiness doesn’t have to come from being a celebrity or from being really wealthy. They come from our values. Our values are how much worth we put on things in our life. If you can value even the smallest things and moments, you’ll find yourself to be happier than most people on this earth.

Here are is a list of fifty random moments that I created worth valuing. The ones with the asterisks next to them I haven’t done yet, but I can imagine that it must be a wonderful feeling. I wish to do all of these things someday. The best part about this is most of them are free. Can you relate to any of them?

1. Walking in a quiet and beautiful park

2. Talking to a friend about what you did over the weekend

3. Cuddling over a blanket while watching a scary movie

4. Tasting butterscotch ice cream

5. Saying “I do” to a future spouse*

6. Kissing somebody’s plush lips for the first time

7. Feeling the warmth of a person’s hug

8. Having the most money in Monopoly

9. Saying “goodbye” to parents as you move out

10. Staying up until 5 AM doing a paper while drinking loads of coffee

11. Coming home from a party completely wasted

12. Seeing the parking lot as you come down from the highest peak of a roller coaster ride

13. Waking up in the morning 30 seconds before the alarm clock goes off

14. Chasing after dog after letting the door open on your first house cleaning job

15. Cheering after finding a missing period for a college newspaper article after editing for one hour

16. Waking up in the morning next to somebody you love

17. Lying on the grass and watching the blue clouds pass by

18. Accepting your diploma on the stage of graduation day

19. Sitting on a couch and reading your favorite Steven King novel

20. Getting a raise from a company*

21. Meditating someplace peaceful

22. Watching the face of your first son or daughter*

23. Sailing on a yacht out in the sea*

24. Spending holidays eating dinner with family

25. Hiking in nature

26. Painting with oil on canvas

27. Smiling at a stranger you don’t know

28. Dancing to Michael Jackson music

29. Passing a nerve racking interview

30. Having a cup of coffee while looking at sunrise

31. Smelling the roses of a garden* (no roses nearby!)

32. Making S’mores over a campfire

33. Taking a warm shower before the day starts

34. Finishing a 5k marathon*

35. Visiting to a country you’ve never been before

36. Seeing the shape of a rainbow after a rainy day

37. Receiving a Christmas card from a long distance relative

38. Moving boxes to a new apartment or house

39. Riding with on the back of somebody’s truck

40. Writing poetry while observing a small object

41. Riding a bus over a freeway crammed with 40 other people

42. Learning a unique thing about somebody new you just met

43. Looking at old photos of your funny past experiences

44. Sharing a laugh with really anybody

45. Eating chips and dip while watching a Sunday football game

46. Finding the final answer to your local newspaper crossword puzzle

47. Breaking out a sweat after working out at the gym

48. Opening up a paycheck from the mail

49. Receiving an award in front of hundreds of people

50. Giving back to the world in a positive way

I believe that these are all moments that teach us that we can be happy if we choose to have a positive outlook wherever we are and wherever we go. Just the ability of having a healthy body and looking out for those little moments in everyday life, you’ll find stuff to be a lot more interesting and meaningful. What’s more is that you’ll start to feel alive and appreciate even the little things that you didn’t realize were there before. So next time your out and about, take a look around. You never know what kind of random moments you’ll experience that make life worth living for.

These are some of the moments that I value in life. Did I miss anything? What about you?

photo credit: Alex E. Proimos

Every day in our lives, we go through the day using our five senses to define what symbols mean. Maybe the smell of a tree’s leaves in the morning can give you a feeling of freshness, or maybe watching the colors of the flag rise up to the top of the pole can give you chills. Perhaps seeing somebody getting chased down the street can make you scared, or perhaps suddenly hearing the sound of a glass shatter inside your home can make you furious.

Our senses tell us what the heck is going on in the moment, causing us react in a state of certain thoughts and feelings. But what if you could do something that can instantly put you in a state you want? You can be happy, excited, focused, concentrated, or completely motivated whenever you want. Well, the truth is you can by doing a few, simple tricks.

Understanding that the symbols we get from our senses associate with our thoughts and feelings, it makes it clearer to why using them in a way that puts us in a positive state rather than a negative state is a no-brainer.  The neurological link between our senses and our feelings works in the way such as when a stimulus results in a response.

Let’s go through an example of what I mean.  Our main five senses are to:

1. See

2. Hear

3. Feel

4. Taste

5. Smell

Now, I will put a symbol next to each sense and then you tell me if you’re in a positive or negative state. What state are you feeling? What are your thoughts? And how does your body affect you physically?

1. See “M” (McDonalds’ Logo)

2. Hear “Sirens”

3. Feel “High-five”

4. Taste “Bitter”

5. Smell “Fragrant”

Are you done? So how did it go? I did the same thing and here are my results.

1. Positive state, feeling of happiness, Ronald McDonald, a full feeling

2. Negative state, pressured or alert, police, tense muscles

3. Positive state, feeling of accomplishment, friend’s hand, hand feels touched

4. Negative state, feeling of disgust, bitter melon soup, disgusting taste on tongue

5. Positive state, feeling of love, flower or light perfume, nice feeling inside nose

Notice how we associate these symbols with our thoughts and feelings. Now we need to think of things (this can be done by digging through our memory) that raise the level of intensity. What kind of things brings out your most intense emotions?

Perhaps the site of a cheesecake you shared with someone you deeply love reminds you of them, and brings you into an extremely happy mood. Perhaps you hated someone all your life because they always bragged about their accomplishments, and the site of their face makes you want to out beat them.

Here are some directions on how to create sensory symbols and use them to your advantage.

1. Be in the state you want.

2. Continue until you’re at peak state.

E.g. Imagine you’re at very competitive track meet right now. You’ve practice all your life for this moment. Next to you are nine other people all waiting for one moment – the sound of the starting gun. You are kneeling and the tips of your fingers are centimeters behind the line. There are ten thousand people in the stadium roaring, cheering, and rooting you on. The sound of the starting gun is about to go off. Ready…set…

3. Set a sensory symbol (a unique sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell) that you want to associate this state with.

4. Combine peak state with sensory symbol.

5. Do it repeatedly until you get automatic response every time the sensory symbol is experienced.

6. Come back later, and test to see it works or not.

7. If it works, great. If it doesn’t try again with a different peak experience or a different symbol.

8. You’re done!

Once you get this down, you’ll be able to be in the state you want whenever you experience a sensory symbol that you have set out for yourself.

Also, the reason I said unique is because you don’t want to give the brain mundane, everyday symbols like a handshake or the plain site of grass. When something is vastly different from the rest our thoughts, our brains can remember them easier.

Here is a random list that I created for what I mean.

• Snapping your fingers three times.
• Feeling the fur a rabbit’s foot inside your pocket.
• Smelling a really distinct cologne smell.
• Chewing a particular type of sour gum.
• Seeing a photo of a jumping spider’s beautiful eyes.

What do these sensory symbols mean? They could mean different things to different people, but the most important is what it means to you.

Finally, the last thing I want to add is that you can turn negative experiences into positive experiences.

For example, don’t you hate the sound of your alarm clock when it goes off? You associate that sound with unpleasant feelings when you wake up (The alarm clock sound is supposed to be annoying on purpose). But you can channel that sensory into something more pleasant.

Before you go to sleep for the next day, set it so you can hear the alarm clock go off. Imagine yourself in the best, most energetic mood. Once you’re at this peak state, set off your alarm clock. Combine the sound you hear with the state you’re in. After a couple of times, you should be able to associate the sound of your alarm clock to a thought of energy and an explosion-like feeling inside your body. Now, set your alarm clock back to normal and see what happens when you wake up to the sound of your alarm clock tomorrow morning.

So that’s it for today’s post. You don’t have to do this by yourself, but you can practice this on your friends as well. What’s the most powerful positive experience you’ve ever had in your life?

You can change how you feel about almost anything.

photo credit: A6U571N