As human beings, we want to make life as comfortable as we possibly can. If anything, we try to strive to live each day with the feeling of peace and awareness. We want to know the things that go on around us, we want to know what’s going on in the present moment, and we want to know that the actions we take today will result in a certain action tomorrow. But what happens when things don’t go as planned. Suddenly, we panic.
One of the feelings most people want to avoid is discomfort. Nobody likes to have that uneasy or uncomfortable feeling. It feels like sharp pain in our bodies. The weird thing is, the more we try to neglect it, the stronger it gets. If you’ve ever had this feeling, you know what I mean. Here are some ways to deal with discomfort.
What is discomfort?
First of all, what is discomfort? The best way for me to describe discomfort is a feeling between anxiety and irritability. It’s a sharp stingy feeling that eats you up from inside and you can physically feel it anywhere in the body. Not only does discomfort distances you from being anywhere near peace and relaxation, but operating your day at a steady rate can really take its toll when you constantly feel this way. Depending on the type of person you are, you may feel discomfort from internal or external forces. Here are some real like situations that might cause discomfort.
- Giving a speech to a crowd of people staring
- Going to a party where you only know a few people
- Starting a conversation with a stranger in the street
- Staying in a different environment such as another house or country
- Being forced to eat new foods that you’re not familiar with
- Coming home to see your workplace organized in a different way
- Something abnormal that happens near us
- Someone following or creeping next to us
- Doing something you’re not supposed to do
- Not knowing the outcome of an action you took
Why we get these feelings?
The reason I think why we get feeling of discomfort is because of control. As human beings we want to be in control of everything. Part of being in control is the need to know what is going on around us and why it is going on. However, what that is taken away from us? What if all of the sudden something we cannot control or something happens to us but we do not understand why it happens? For a brief moment, we are taken out of our reality. This causes discomfort.
How to get rid of discomfort?
The key to getting rid of discomfort, I believe, is indifference. There is a saying that indifference is the key to making a difference. The reason for this is because we invest too much of our feelings into the unknown. If we can reduce the amount of feelings we put into this, we can slowly get rid of our discomfort.
Example #1
For example, let’s you were at the computer and accidently pressed submit to before you really wanted to. You wrote a mistake, perhaps this was a spelling or grammatical error that you wanted to change. Perhaps you wrote something that just made a fool out of yourself. Either way, the thoughts that are going through your mind are what an idiot you were and how other people are going to look at you differently now. To heal this, you start coming up with mind chatter that more than likely is useless.
“Why did I hit submit!?”
“I’m such a klutz!”
“Maybe nobody will read it…”
“Should I write something else beneath it?”
“Oh I wish I didn’t do that…”
“Where is the redo submit button when I need it!”
This is the wrong approach as this will only produce more discomfort. To cure this you have to be indifferent about it. But it’s no use to just tell you to be indifferent. That starts with acceptance. Accept that you have hit the submit button. Next visualize or go into a reality that you’ve done it so many times that it’s no big deal. This helps being indifferent as well. For example, see yourself having already hundreds of thousands of times. Momentarily picture it in your head. Now feel the feeling slowly vanish away. Feel better?
Example #2
Another example of discomfort might be meeting your old friends for the first time in a long time. The problem is that you know you have changed as a person but they do not know that. The day is coming closer and you feel an internal pain in your body. You start to ask yourself the following questions.
How will I act in front of them?
Should I act the way I use to or the new me?
What will they think of my new personality?
Maybe I should just act like my old self…
Is there any way I can delay this meeting?
C’mon let’s just get it over with!
Again, more of this only causes more discomfort. The reason for this is because you have stayed at home for many days without seeing your old friends and finally the perfect day arrives wherever everybody is in town and everybody has free time. Now instead of another day where you go doing yourself alone, you will have to see people.
You are thinking too much. You are putting too much importance and making it a bigger deal than it really is. You would not feel discomfort if you saw new people every day would it? The only reason you feel discomfort is because there is a sudden change in lifestyle. By visualizing in your mind over and over again that you have already met your friends and this is the hundredth time you are doing it, you will reduce the importance of it.
Remember, sometimes rational thinking only worsens our discomfort level because you’re trying to pull away from the truth. If you’ve made a mistake, the truth is you’ve made a mistake. We don’t necessarily have to bring up other alternatives because we want to feel at control. We cannot control the universe. Everything in the world happens for a reason, but we don’t have to necessarily know that reason. Sometimes human beings will need to know that reason and will not feel comfortable until they find that reason out. This causes great discomfort and eventually drives them mad.
Learn to deal with discomfort by not letting the situation become too big of a deal. Don’t sweat the small things in life. Learn to accept and visually repeat things in your mind and feel it many times to reduce the importance of it, and you’ll find yourself to be more at peace with life.
photo credit: Foxtongue
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree. Knowing that every situation is really not that big of a deal, has definitely helped me more to relax.
What a great topic! I think internal conflict and discomfort is one of the hardest things to deal with because you can’t see it in a tangible way. Love what you did with this topic in this post!
Hey Tristan,
nicely done with the post. I like the point where you said indifference is the key to reduce internal conflicts. I think that is true, for too long people have been putting so much of their emotions and mental focus into a conflict and pressure that they feel exhausted even before their tasks begin!
So I think you’ve told us a great point about the importance of shifting our focus therefore producing a lack of emotional investment into our problems.
Steven
Hey Rocky. Yes, we like to make situations bigger than they tend to be. I’m glad by knowing this, you feel more relaxed. Thank you.
Hi Positively Present. I know, I agree. Feelings are hard to deal with or manage because we can’t see them in a tangible way like when we see objects around us. Thanks, and I’m glad you liked the post.
Hey Steven. Like you said, people who put too much emotion and mental focus will usually feel discomfort before they have even started anything. By not putting so much emotional investment into our problems, we will be able to get more done. Thank you.
The one that rings true for me there is “Not knowing the outcome of an action you took” I do things sometimes and I let the unknown outcome get to me. But you’re so on track because I find when I let go of the outcome…that’s when it goes the way I wanted it to!
I actually came up with a little mantra that helps me enormously – “no matter the outcome, I will remain happy!”
Great post Tristan!
Hey Amit. Letting go out the outcome helps a lot when it comes to letting go of our discomforts. Thanks for this and I really like your mantra!
I love these “discomfort” moments. These are opportunities to do something exciting and learn from it. Routine is great for some people but these situations help keep one’s mind fresh, IMO.
Hi Gabe. That’s a good way to put it – to like discomfort is to accept and feed love to those feelings. This definitely helps feel more motivated to carry on as well as keep one’s mind fresh. Thank you for this.
I like to call it neutrality more than indifference. You’re okay whatever the outcome. You’re not attached to what things mean, but you are always responsible for your actions. This is such a good post Tristan, I think you should get published somewhere with more viewers
What a great post Tristan Lee, you have written very good article about discomfort, I like very much this point the key to getting rid of discomfort. . I think that is absolute true. People are investing too much time and money of our feelings into the unknown.
Hey Chris, thanks so much. I’m glad you liked the article and I agree that people do spend too much time investing into feelings of the unknown.
Hi Infinite Journey, I love your perspective on this – neutrality. I also totally agree with you that the less we are attached to what things mean, the less will feel discomfort towards them. Thank you, and I hope I do get published somewhere with more viewers.
Hey Tristan,
Ease your mind by letting things that are out of your control simply be.
Since you can’t control those things, what’s the point in thinking about them? It’s not going to change the situation or outcome. Save yourself the emotional and psychological energy by just letting those things be. Like you stated, be indifferent.
Instead, focus your newly-freed energy on things that you CAN control. Like making sure this mistake you were just fretting over doesn’t happen again, or working on yourself to improve. Or, in the example of old friends, finding new, more compatible people that you resonate with rather than expending futile energy on making old relationships work.
By letting what’s out of your control be and focusing on what you can control, you don’t have to deal with internal conflict as much and can actually make a difference in something instead.
Best,
Oleg
Hey Oleg. I agree that we shouldn’t let things out of control consume our emotional and psychological energy. Your tips on focusing on what we can control are spot on. Thank you for your descriptive reply.
hey tristan you legend!!
post was money. your site is super supremo all-round actually. diggs the simple smoldouring slick design and on point content. way too much cookie cutter bullshit out there.
post really got me thinking.
the thing about avoiding discomfort is that avoidance – any avoidance at all – creates discomfort.
i think more than anything, discomfort is just one layer of un-ease that makes up ego and all the meh in our lives.
and yeah – there are ways to deal with it.
and yeah – indifference is a great way to approach it. given your examples i’m guessing you’re into the social dynamics scene (rsd?) but that aside, indifference is a great way to convince yourself that the whole discomfort thing – the whole seriousness of it all is completely pointless and trivial.
and it can def work to neutralise the cause of discomfort.
but can lead you dizzyingly chasing your own tail.
it’s like looking at the shadows or looking at the space around an object instead of the object.
like connecting to what life isn’t instead of what it is.
very sitting in caves in tibet. very zen
but what about the other approach?
what about, rather than “not letting the situation become too big of a deal. Don’t sweat the small things in life. Learn to accept and visually repeat things in your mind and feel it many times to reduce the importance of it, and you’ll find yourself to be more at peace with life.”
…what about if you see the amazingness of life that is right now – and realise your perfect limitless superpower magic nature and realise the triviality of discomfort that way?
half empty half full woo-ha
it’s more fun in my experience. try it, you might like it
haha
awwwwsomeness
keep well and in touch mate
alex – unleash reality
Wow Alex, that was probably the most enthusiastic comment I have gotten in a while, hehe. I’m glad the post got you thinking. I agree with you that avoiding does cause discomfort. Acceptance is the path towards peace.
I’m not exactly sure what “rsd” stands for, but you’re on key when you say indifference is turns what we make big emotionally into something small. Anyways, I’m glad you enjoyed the post and thanks for the exciting comment.