Sometimes there are moments in our lives where we experience something so frightening that we are at a complete loss of words. We feel like we have lost all control of our senses, feelings, and thoughts during the moment. And because there are so many different aspects of fear, it makes it hard topic to tackle.
How can one compare being scared of a real object such as a spider to a something that’s not even in our world such as a ghost? How can one person fear success while another person fear something as friendly as water? I’ve been scared of many things in my life, but I’ve learned to understand it over the years. Fear cannot be entirely removed, but there are ways to a lot more tolerable.
What is fear?
To understand how to cope with fear, we need to understand what it is first. Fear is an emotional response. That’s all it is. When we feel like potential danger may happen, our brain sends signals down to our body and makes us feel a certain way. We label this feeling as fear.
Anything we have experienced that put us in threat or in danger causes us to fear similar things in the future. A person who has almost drowned in water when they were young will be afraid to go near swimming pools later. Likewise, anything we think of in the future that puts us in danger causes us to feel the effects of it in the present moment. A person who thinks they will do horrible at a job interview will start panicking before they even begin writing their resume.
Fear is part of human nature. For early human beings, fear was absolutely necessary trait for survival. It was an emotion that warned them that now was the time to escape or avoid a dangerous situation. Through human evolution, we may have changed physically, but our innate emotion of fear has always been the same and has always remained with us.
Symptoms of Fear
- Shortness of breath
- Increased heart rate
- Trembling
- Shaking
- Sweating
- Numbness
- Wanting to faint
- Hot or cold flashes
- Feeling detached from the body
- Feelings of unreality
A List of Common Human Fears
- Spiders
- Snakes
- Bees
- Heights
- Water
- Enclosed spaces
- Tunnels
- Bridges
- Heights
- Clowns
- Ghosts
- Darkness
- Commitment
- Confrontation
- Social rejection
- Public speaking
- People
- Failure
- Success
- Driving
- Criminal or gang violence
- Terrorist attacks
- War
- Being alone
- Death
Besides water and driving, I am afraid to admit that to a certain degree, I am afraid of all these things listed above. There’s no need to be embarrassed as I know I’m just like everybody else in the world. There are probably thousands of other things that cause fear. Again you cannot remove fear completely, but you can to do your best limit fear to a small degree and be under control. Here are some ways to help you out.
Accept the Fear
To conquer fear, the first thing we need to do is not run away from it. The reason for this is because if you keep running away from it, you will always be afraid. Accept that whenever you experience something unknown, you will experience a degree of fear. It’s natural; it’s part of the human body. When fear happens to you, face it. That’s part of accepting it. Face the thoughts that you going through and experience it. If you can handle your imagination, you can handle the real thing.
Rationalize the Fear
By rationalizing the fear, ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are? What is it that is causing your fear? Instead of panicking or losing total control of your rationality, ask yourself if there is anything you can do in the moment to lessen the fear. If you’re afraid of heights, don’t look down to make it worse. If you’re scared of darkness, keep a small light next to you. If you’re scared of a job interview, prepare for it like you’ve never prepared before. Ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen to you if end up facing it?
Dismiss the Fear
Dismissing the fear means exactly what it says. Accept that you have those fears and if you don’t like those feelings, simply dismiss them. You don’t have to be obligated to feel scared or afraid. You don’t have to live life under some force you cannot even control. You have choices and you can choose to think or feel about something else. Think of fear as a TV channel. Some people enjoy the thrill of a horror movie, but if that’s not your thing, feel free to change the channel.
Change the channel to action and feel more excited. Change the channel to romance and feel more love. Change the channel to comedy and have a good laugh. It may be hard to suddenly change your thoughts and feelings to something else when you’re already freaked out, but I can tell you that if you continue to focus your thoughts on what you fear, you will continue to be freaked out. So if you don’t want to feel this way, change your thoughts to something more pleasant.
Overcome the Fear
If you’ve gone through the first three steps. The last thing you need to know is that fear is just an emotion. You can overcome it with positive reminders to yourself. Never let something that is in the past come back to haunt you. It’s history. Never let something that hasn’t happened in the future hurt you. It’s not real. Focus on what you can do control during the moment and that is your thoughts.
So the next time fear comes, don’t ask yourself what you can do to run away from it. Ask yourself what you can do to deal with it. None of the twenty-five things I listed above is fear. None of the one thousand other things I didn’t mention is fear either. The truth is there is nothing to really fear except, what Franklin Roosevelt once said, fear itself.
photo credit: markhillary
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree with you about fear – we can’t always get rid of it, but we can change the way we look at things and use it to our advantage. I am not afraid to admit that I’m also scared of a lot of things, like you. But recently I’ve been doing my best to face my fears, and I can tell you there’s nothing better than doing something you’re afraid of and succeeding at it!
Hi Tristan, great post on fear! One of the things I do when I feel fear seizing me is to ask myself “What’s the worst thing that can happen if…” and fill in the blank. I call this interrogating my fears, because usually there’s something underneath it, and eventually you get down to the last thing. Like a bee… I’ve never been stung and I’m scared of them. What’s the worst thing that would happen if I stopped running away from them outside? One might sting me. What’s the worst thing that would happen if one stung me? I’d probably be in pain. What’s the worst thing that would happen if I were in pain? Well, nothing really, but it would be an inconvenience for the day, I suppose.
So underneath that irrational running and screaming I do when a bee heads my way there is really just an aversion to experiencing pain. Yet I face pain every time I have a headache or work out too much!! So is it really so bad? When we use our rational minds to get to the core of fear, we usually find out that it’s not so bad, or powerful, as we’ve made it.
Thanks for sharing these useful insights!
Cheers,
Miche
Hello Ruth. I understand that feeling when you do something you are afraid to do and then pass it. That end adrenaline rush is amazing. Thanks for sharing this and good job on facing your fears!
Hi Miche. I really like your bee example. It shows us that the worst thing that can happen is pain, but most likely a bee won’t sting you if you don’t bother it. Your way of using rational questions and answers is a great way to dealing with fear. Thanks for sharing this!
Hi Tristan-I love your name by the way. Anything that results in death scares me. I experienced death in my immediate family 4 times, one was when I was 10. Ever since then, I’m extremely afraid of it. I’m scared of deep water and heights. I never been on an airplane and I never went swimming on the deep end or in an ocean. However, I love looking at the ocean as it provides a sense of peace within me, and I’ve grown tired of the long rides in the car to get to my destination. I know I can overcome the fear of riding in an airplane because there are a lot of places I’d like to see, but I’m unsure of the water. When I go to the waterfront, I can’t get too close because I experience all the symptoms you listed above. I think once I get the nerve to learn how to swim, I will feel much more comfortable standing close to the river/ocean. Thanks!
Hi Patrice. I’m very sorry you had to go through that type of experience with death. When I was younger, my parents brought me to many funerals and I am definitely afraid of it as I would list that as an ultimate fear. Acceptance of it would probably be the best relief, but accepting death is not something everybody can do.
As far water and heights, I totally understand what you can go through! I think with more exposure to both environments, and of course being careful, you will be able to slowly overcome those fears. Hopefully, you can do so as fears can limit us to doing things we’ve always wanted to do but are afraid to do so. Thanks for sharing your story!
WOW, this is a great post! I really could have used this yesterday (see the post I have up today to see why). I’m definitely going to save this one for the next time I’m trying to face my fear.
Tristan your the man in the van. Love the post.
99.99% of all fear has something to do with the body. pity we don’t love ourselves too much.
the problem is we don’t know that we are absolutely safe no matter what. once you clear that and let go of the juice(payoff) you’re getting out of being afraid of something, you’ll do better and better in life(if you’re miserable that is).
Hey man, thanks, I like vans.
I totally agree that most of fear is just what occurs in the body. If we can clear that up, then it is easier to live life the way a human is supposed to live life – freely.
Hey Tristan,
Great post. I believe that fear is the tool that lets us know what needs to be addressed in our lives. Once you do overcome it, it’s can be so liberating!
Hey Amit. Like you said, fear can be seen as a emotion that drags us down or a tool that pulls us up. It’s a choice, and it definitely can feel very liberating to overcome it. Thanks for this.
Hi Tristan,
Brian Tracy says that human babies only have two fears. The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learnt. I find that fascinating.
Hey Gordie, that’s pretty interesting what you say. I guess that just goes to prove that as adults, most of our fears are made up. Thanks for this.
Hi Tristan. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. All fears can be overcome. The main thing, as you said, is to face one’s fear. A lot of fears are rooted in a person’s relationship with the unknown. Realizing the unknown can also be your ally helps to reduce one’s fear.
Hey Quam. Nice, I like that acronym you mentioned. I believe false evidence is the part where you stated of the unknown and appearing real is where it only appears real in our minds, but not in true physical reality. Thank you.