No Longer Using My Pen Name Anymore

Hey guys, sorry for not posting lately. I have encountered a problem in my blogging life and that has been troubling me for the last past few months. And it was whether or not I would continue to use my blogging name Tristan, which is the name everybody probably knows me as, or my real name.

But after months of dealing with inner conflict, I have decided that it’s time. I have decided that I have decided that I will be blogging, writing, and using my real name from now on…

Ever since the very first post here, you guys have known me to write each and every blog entry under the name, Tristan Lee. But I have changed that today, and I’ll be writing under my real name, Hulbert Lee from now on.

It’s kind of weird you know? When I started out with this blog, I didn’t know if I should use my real name or not. Since on the internet, it’s really easy to check out other people’s information, I kind of felt anxious that my friends, family, or people who knew me as me, would start checking everything about me. I didn’t want my name to be all over Google, and that’s why I decided to use a pen name – a secret identity.

The reason I picked the name Tristan was because I’ve always liked that name. I thought it was a cool, unique name, which sounded a lot better than my name, Hulbert, a name that I have always been self conscious about my entire life. But during these last past months, I really thought that I was hiding myself behind an alias or behind somebody elsewhich made me feel uncomfortable, even though, we’re both the same people.

I tried to tell myself that there were many people on the internet who use pen names. There are also many famous authors/writers that use pen names, some of which you may know.

• Pen name: Steven King / Real name: Richard Bachman
• Pen name: George Owell / Real name: Eric Arthur Blair
• Pen name: Lemony Snicket / Real name: David Handler
• Pen name: Mark Twain / Real name: Samuel Langhorne Clemens
• Pen name: Stan Lee / Real name: Stanley Martin Lieber

But for some reason, it just didn’t go well with me. Some people even complimented on the name Tristan and I said thank you. It felt good for a moment, but a part of me felt like I was being somebody else when I was using another name. I wanted to use my real name at the point when I figured out that even though I’ve made some mistakes in the past, I should just stand firmly behind them with my real name instead of hiding behind another name, even though no one will really notice.

However I encountered a big problem. I started questioning myself. What would people think of me if I all of a sudden started to use my real name? Would people be discouraged if I suddenly changed my name from Tristan Lee to Hulbert Lee? Would people start not liking me? Would I lose trust in the people? Will people leave my blog? I didn’t want to confuse people! But I didn’t want to confuse myself either… I thought about it for a while, sort of like when you walk back and forth when making a decision.

I finally boiled it down and said that when I communicate with other people on the internet, whether it’s through forums or email, I want to trust a person and talk to them for who they really are, even if they happen to have a bizarre name. It just shows that they are happy with who they are and the name doesn’t matter as much. It’s more about what they do and how they influence other people.

I guess it really is a person that makes a name special, not a name that makes the person special. You can see these from examples of the best players in the world such as Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods. If they have not done what they have done, would their names even be memorable? Well, maybe not Tiger Woods now but still, you know what I mean right?

I think it’s more about a person’s identity that matters. A name is part of a person’s identity, but it’s only a smart part of it. Of course, we may “picture” what a name could possibly mean, such as the name Dr. Seuss, but would Dr. Seuss be so cool if he didn’t write about green eggs and ham? I think not.

I think being happy and comfortable with having your real name out there, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. You don’t have to hide anymore. Whatever happens, happens. It’s who you are and that’s a lot of what I have learned from blogging. You may have critiques that find flaws in your work, but you can’t always hide behind another name for the rest of your life. And you can also live with the fear of what other people think about you. If you can live with yourself, you’ll be good. You’ll be okay.

So yeah, I thought I was making a big mistake for doing this at first, but not so much anymore. I mean, it’s not like I’m a celebrity or anything and since March, I’ve been averaging under fifty visitors a day. I don’t think it’s going to be life changing if I do this, but it’s definitely something that I want to do. I want to be open with everybody here and proud to be what I’ve been called for since birth. I just wanted to write this entry here since I haven’t posted in about a week.

And again, of course, thank you, whoever is reading this, for sticking with me these times. The year is coming to an end, and it will be a start of a new year soon. I will continue to do what I love, which is to provide value to you guys. But for right now, instead of Tristan Lee writing for you, it will be Hulbert Lee. Now you know who I really am. Well, you always did, didn’t you?

photo credit: MShades