Respect is the feeling we get from other people who have certain qualities we think are valuable. For me, it was my freshman high school basketball coach. He was this really built man with a devilish goatee who enjoyed yelling in your face. I did not like this man. In fact, I hated his guts.
But I certainly did respect this man, as well as the rest of the team. When he told us to run around the court, we ran. When he told us to get on the ground, we did pushups. When he told gave us orders, we obeyed. We all respected this man because he knew how to run a disciplined basketball team similar to how a general runs his army.
Now if some random kid came up to us and told us to do the same thing, three things would probably happen. One, the kid would be ignored. Two, the kid would be laughed at. Three, we would tell the kid to step off the court. Not to be mean, but nobody would take the kid seriously. This is because the kid doesn’t have the same respect from the team as the coach does.
What’s the difference between the kid and coach? There both human beings. But the reason why we respect the coach is because he represents values that are far more important than us, values such as getting things done, being a successful team, making each of us stronger individuals.
If we told the kid and the coach what we wanted to do, their responses might be the same, “Okay.”
But the difference is that the kid doesn’t care whether or not you follow through with your words and you don’t care if you follow through with it either.
The coach however expects you to follow through and if you don’t, you’ve just lost respect from him. He walks away and you’re on your own again, with a feeling of not being worthy enough.
I know this treatment may be harsh, and it’s not something that sensitive people might support, but it was what motivated our entire basketball team to go through hours and hours of endless workout routines and drills for an entire basketball season. This all affected us academically, socially, mentally, and emotionally in order to strengthen us physically. If we didn’t have respect for the coach, none of this would have happened.
So my question to you is this. Who do you respect? Who do you admire? Who do you look up to? It doesn’t have to be a coach. Maybe it’s a friend. Maybe it’s your family member. Maybe it’s a distance relative. Maybe it’s a mentor. Maybe it’s a successful business person. Maybe it’s someone that you just plain take seriously.
The next question is what is your goal?
Maybe it’s to quit drinking. Maybe it’s to quit smoking. Maybe it’s to make more money. Maybe it’s to lose more weight. Maybe it’s to run a marathon. Maybe it’s to build more muscle. Maybe it’s to learn a new language. Maybe it’s to find a relationship. Maybe it’s to get over a relationship. Maybe it’s to back to college and get another degree. Maybe it’s to be a better you!
Whatever your goal happens to be, here’s an activity that will help motivate you to make that goal happen.
Tell people that you respect that you will accomplish your goal.
The reason this motivates you is because of the following reasons.
1. There has to be a good reason that you respect them. It could be that they have accomplished something worthy or great, so you look up to them and don’t want to let them down.
2. If you respect your friend or friends enough that when you tell them that you’re going to accomplish your goal, that you’re going to go through with it. If you don’t, you might lose a little bit of respect from them or they might not want to believe your words again.
3. You have a strong identity that doesn’t lie. When you tell others that you will get something done, you mean it. In other words, you want to protect your identity.
4. By accomplishing your goal, you will have something to share with the people you admire. You became a part of a group with certain qualities that you guys think are valuable.
5. Finally, there’s something at stake. If you tell people that you respect or admire and they believe in you, but you don’t follow through, maybe you won’t have the ability to show your face to them again. Here, you’re motivated by fear of being defeated by your own words.
I know if I told my coach that I wanted to be a basketball coach that I wanted to become a better player at the end of the season, I know he would have pushed me to limits beyond what I could endure. I also know that I would do everything that I can in order to follow through with my words.
Meet somewhere with somebody you respect and sincerely tell them that you are setting forth to finish a goal – small or big – that you will accomplish. It may take some confidence and courage, but people are willing to listen, support, and encourage you. Most importantly, whenever you think about them, you will feel motivation to finishing your goal faster and showing them that you can do it.
photo credit: ktylerconk
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s a nice concept of motivation you put there Tristan.
And I think you are right in a way, however, it almost seems as if you are talking about achieving a certain goal because you want to gain their approval? Because otherwise they’d lose respect for you, and so you’d want to protect that for your identity.
In my opinion, goals are to be achieved for yourself and yourself only. Sure you might get scared to lose credibility and respect from others, but I don’t think motivating yourself through fear of loss of respect should be the main drive.
In fact, if that is the main drive behind your goal, then it is a goal that you really aren’t that passionate of, because if you are, you’d feel motivation to fulfill your “core’s” desire to accomplish and contribute, and not through the fear of being looked down upon by others.
But then again that is just my opinion, different things work for different people. I appreciate you writing this post for us
Steven
Hey Steven,
There’s different ways to motivated people to get to their goals. Some people are motivated by their passions, others are motivated by rewards, and even others are motivated by fear.
I agree that being passionate about what you’re doing to get to your goal should be one’s main drive. But some people hate what they do e.g. an obese person trying to run three miles everyday or a person who’s trying to quit smoking.
It’s good to have an inner desire to accomplish somebody, but there are some people that don’t have these desires themselves and need the support of other people. I think by telling people you respect that you’re going to go through with somebody, it just offers an additional way to getting the job done.
I appreciate you sharing your opinion though Steven. Thank you.
Having a figure of respect and inspiration is good to prod us to go on with our goals. Nicely stated Tristan.
Thanks Walter.
Hey Tristan.
I like that message. I have done that a few times, where I informed someone who I respect of my goal that related to what they were doing, and it sure did help. It also helps to make you feel like you are on the team that gets that goal completed.
As far as following through with my words, I can certainly do a better job with that, but I have improved by putting out less words to follow through on, so that I have a higher percentage of them that I maintain.
I continue to let certain folks know of certain goals I have in the way that you described here, as the advantages are worth any risks that may be in place, of looking foolish or not able to stick to one’s words.
Thanks for this.
Hey Tristan! Important stuff here on being respected.
Honesty, trust, and leadership are the main components to being respected. Your gym coach embodied all of these traits – that’s why you respected him the way you did.
What’s also important is that you must earn respect. Like the kid you pointed out in your scenario, you can’t just jump up and expect people to take you seriously. Show people you mean business from day one and the respect will come naturally.
Great job on the post, Tristan
Hey Armen, great advice there. It’s not necessary to put out impossible-like tasks and try to follow through. Following through with small goals will eventually help us get through those tougher ones. Thank you.
Hey John, I liked what you said and I totally agree. Respect must be earned, but it’s not too hard to do. If you work hard and you’re genuine, then people will grow to respect you more. Thank you.
I think making yourself accountable to someone you respect is a healthy way to set a goal….I just wish we could be accountable to the goal and all it takes to attain it without the external pressure of disappointmnet of others, based solely on our respect of self. Great, thought-inspiring post!
good advice Tristan, definitely seeking out someone you admire and expressing your goals to is a great way to hold your self accountable for your actions…keep up the great work….
Ivan
Hey Jennifer, I agree. Sometimes there are individuals that are wiser and more experienced than us so we respect them and want to do something to make them proud. But you’re right in the fact that ultimately it comes down to having self respect for ourselves. Thank you.
Thanks Ivan, I’m glad you liked the advice.