I will never forget a funny moment that happened to me in college that made me change about how I view human interactions in public. It all happen one day when I was on my way to the gym.
As I was getting out of my car, I walked through an outside path that lead to the beginning of this really long sidewalk. As I stepped foot on it, the distance between me and the gym was about 100 feet. It was a clear view from where I was standing to the gym, or so I thought…
From nowhere, this very attractive and fit woman appeared on the beginning of the other side of the sidewalk. “Oh no,” I said to myself, “There is going to be an awkward moment soon. ” And because there was absolutely no one in between us, increasing tension began to happen from the moment both of us made eye contact 100 feet away from each other.
The following thoughts were going through my head at this moment.
There’s only one path….
(80 feet away)
It’s okay… I need to get to the gym…
(60 feet away)
I want bigger muscles!…
(40 feet away)
I don’t have to walk through this…!
(20 feet away)
I could skip at a day at the gym… right?
(10 feet away)
No, I must work out today! Do it!
Usually, I would have done nothing and just passed by people. But I don’t know why, my internal being just decided to say, “Hello!”
However, judging from this woman’s facial, non-eye contact expression as we got closer and closer to each other, I was almost 100% certain that she would not greet me and pass me by if I did not do anything.
So as we were 10 feet away from each other, my heart sort of jumped. I knew I would only have one second at most to say hello. Everything at this point just telling me to just walk to the gym, as this was not worth the trouble.
But I said, “no” to my brain. What is wrong with saying a friendly hello to somebody you don’t know in public and making their day. So the the moment came.
As we passed by, I squirmed out “Hello,” with a half smile, and my hand half way up, looking somewhat foolish. I had made it just just in time for her to react. I will never forget her reaction.
When I said hello, her body like jolted for a split second. The moment felt as if I had done something wrong or like she had been hit by lightning.
Then you know what she did? She looked at me with her straight face, and she did the most incredible thing that I will never forget.
She smiled and said… “Hello.”
It lasted for less than a second. Then she walked away, and I walked away too towards the gym.
The feeling that I felt was incredible, like I had just defeated a beast in the back of my mind. I also knew just from the way she reacted also, that not a lot of people in the day who walk past her in public to greet her. I had a good feeling that that one small act I did somehow made her day brighter and more positive, as I did when she acknowledged me. The rest of the time, working out at the gym was a breeze.
In the world of our parents telling us not to talk to strangers, it’s easy to judge strangers with a sense of fear to protect ourselves. Consequently, not everybody will say, “Hello” back to you if you stay it to them first. The ugly truth is, many people may find it weird that you are saying hello to them and even harsher, you may be ignored. (Gasp!).
Most people in the world are not accustomed when somebody in the street says hello to you. If you don’t believe me on this, go outside tomorrow and try it. The thought of just thinking about doing this screams inside from your body, “abort, reject, fear, etc.”
Now, think of it this way.
Everybody in the world is thinking like this!
So if you step out of the crowd, and say hello (smiling helps too) to another person, expect that they will be shocked, just as you would be shocked if somebody did this to you in public. I remember some guy on TV said in New York City, you will past by thousands of people a day, but only be greeted by two of them (and the two of them you already know).
In conclusion, if you have this expectation that people will be shocked when you say a simple hello and smile, then the worst thing that can happen is that you have made their day (when later in the day about that a friendly person that came up to say hi to them), and the best thing that can happen is that you will have created a relationship with somebody new on the planet. So next time your out in public, perhaps saying hello to somebody new. You never know what kind of difference you can change in their day and the difference you can make in the world.
Oh, I forgot to mention one thing to you, my reader, before I end this post for today.
Hello! 
photo credit: Mykl Roventine
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Tristan.
This was cool to read through. I like the detail in the example, and I agree with what you said there about the majority not saying anything. I will go ahead and fill in what she was thinking on the other end of the thought process:
–
I am lucky there is only one path
(80 feet away)
I hope this guy says something to me
(60 feet away)
He looks like he will do it
(40 feet away)
I hope he doesn’t hesitate and then not do it like most.
(20 feet away)
This could be cool
(10 feet away)
Okay here we go
(10 feet after the interaction)
He’s one of the few cool guys
–
I had to fill that example in for the other side. You sure are right that everyone is thinking like this. People don’t see what they are missing, and it is up to me and you(and others) to let them know. Hello right back at you by the way.
This guy Tristan is unstoppable.
“Don’t talk to strangers” is one of the silliest advices we take with us in adulthood. In may make sense when your are a child and you’re pretty helpless in front of potential danger, but not when when you’re an adult.
I one started talking with a stranger girl because I had confused her with someone I knew. So I said a very friendly and committed hello, and she responded immediately, in a positive way. Only about 30 sec into the conversation, I took I better look at her and I realised she wasn’t who I thaught she was. Then I thought to myself: “Dang! Stranger can bo this friendly?”
Eduard
lol nice comment Armen…
Anyways, this is a nice post Tristan, especially it being accompanied with your somewhat awkward real life example lol
I completely agree with what you say, that most people don’t say hi to strangers not because they are afraid of strangers but because they are want to avoid that awkward and rejected feeling that they may get after wards, and yes (gasp) the feeling of being ignored too.
I remember back in the days when I first immigrated to the “western society”, I was walking in a park, and a stranger said “hi” to my family, and immediately, my mom became super suspicious and wanted to run away as if that guy who was being friendly wanted to rob us…haha what a ridiculous reaction.
But as I stayed here more, I became more accustomed to the “friendly” culture they have here, although I wouldn’t say “hi” out loud, I would just look into their eyes and smile
But as friendly as CANADA is, there are still people who just walk by as if other people don’t exist. and it is because of what you said, they are either not accustomed or they want to avoid feeling rejected and awkward.
Thank you Tristan for you interesting experience sharing
Do you say hi in Taiwan to people? lol Because nobody did in my home country.
Hehe, thanks for filling that in Armen. It’s always pretty interesting to think what the other person could be thinking or saying to themselves.
Haha, that’s so funny Eduard! I think I have done that once or twice in my life and 30 seconds into the conversation I realize it’s someone else and pretend not to know…
Heh yeah, parents can be that way Steven, especially when entering into a new culture and territory for the first time. It’s nice what you’re doing with the smile and eye contact. I think that small change will eventually make a big difference in the world.
Great story… I keep saying I want to start saying hello to everyone I pass. I think you’ve inspired me to start being more open and friendly to strangers…
It’s funny how we build up fear in our mind around things we really have no reason to be afraid of. Or maybe we’ve become such an unemotional culture, that we misinterpret emotion/excitement for fear.
It’s OK to feel something and act on it….in fact that’s what life is all about
Great blog.. I discovered you through the Warrior Forums.
Haha, hey thanks man. Yeah, you should try it sometimes. You don’t necessarily have to say hello to everyone. That might be overwhelming, but perhaps just say hi to a person who’s by themselves.
Like you said, life is about spontaneous moments. Don’t sweat the small things, because frankly, it’s not worth it.
That gave me a chuckle Tristan, well said
Its always amazed me that we all live on the same planet and yet we go about our lives as though people dont exist.
A smile, a hello is all it takes.
thanks for sharing
Hey Tristan, loved your story. It’s funny how much self talk we make just to say hello
(don’t worry, I’m just like you)
Hey Jon, totally agree with you there. Thanks for reading!
Haha, thanks Oscar. It’s reassuring to hear that from you.
Hi Tristan, saw your post ad over at Inspiration Central. A really nice story you’ve got here, I’m staying to read more
I’m Alex.
Hello.
Hi Alex, thanks for visiting and welcome to the site. I hope you get something out of it.
Hi Tristan. I loved this story! There is one good thing about getting older like me. You really lose the fear in situations like this. You know you are old and don’t have a chance and so who cares what they think. I like the part of your post where you say “Everybody in the world is thinking like this!”. Well not everyone but a lot of people. Most people have a feeling of general good-will and friendliness and if you take the first action they will often respond in kind.
Dude, dude. Number?….Get the number. Always get the number
I think in some ways you have to understand the balance in all of this. I live in London and there’s no way I can say hello to everyone without getting overwhelmed, exhausted and a serious dose of the croakyness!
If I’m on a busy tube and I catch somones eyes I always smile. I don’t believe hello is always necessary as I think a smile says just as much and if not, even more on it’s own!
Sometimes I’ll start conversations with random strangers and sometimes those conversations are the most fulfilling I’ve had.
I do agree with Jonny though…always get the NUMBER!!
Hey Stephen, I’m glad you liked the story! Yes, people are usually a lot more friendly than we think they tend to be. Thanks sharing something about you.
Haha Hey Jonny. Yes I know, I should of have! I wish I could go back in time now, but I’m not sure if my girlfriend would like that.
Hi Amit. Yeah I definitely know what you mean by being overwhelmed by so many people. Right now, I live where crowds of people swarm the streets. I think saying hello is most effective when someone’s by themselves. That way both of you guys get each other’s full attention. Thanks for sharing, and yes, smiling can say a lot more!
Hi Tristan!
I really liked your article. But I have one question: if the woman was not as attractive and as fit as you had described her to be, how would you have reacted to the situation? Would it be just as awkward had it been a man? There are probably varying degrees of awkwardness depending on the person approaching you.
I’ve often thought I was being TOO friendly by staying hi to strangers. And people at work who, when getting their coffee in the morning, while I would wait in line behind them, would turn around at first glance and often look through me, and then respond with a somewhat surprised jolt when they realized that the person in front of them (me) said good morning to them. Then I wondered if I scared them, because it was too early in the morning to be alert, or if I was too quiet standing behind them. Then I wondered if I should’ve said hi to them before they turned around and risk scaring them even more and having them spill coffee all over themselves. Then I wonder why do I think about what I should’ve, could’ve and would’ve done differently when I probably didn’t do anything wrong in the first place?
Hi Lyta. I don’t think it matters what the person looks like during that situation. If anybody were to cross the same sidewalk and it was just us to, there would still be awkwardness. But like you say, it may depend on who the person is for example if it were the president or something.
I was a little confused by your story as you said you were waiting in line behind your coworkers then they turned around and happened to be in front of them. I think you’re just over thinking the situation, as many of us do when we get nervous. Next time, just be friendly and start a conversation. You guys are in line anyway. In a year, none of this will most likely be that big of a deal. I don’t think you did anything wrong in the first place for saying hi and being a friendly person.
“Hello!”
You are a great writer and a very good human being! How nice of you to do this small act of kindness. To tell you the truth, I’ve made many friends like this. I don’t go to gym (dang!) but I go to Library, and I’ve HUMONGOUS friend circle there.
I think you have just shared another way to co-create happiness and make new friends!
Thanks!!
XD (Why don’t you use subscribe to comments plug-in? I’d be easier for us to make a conversation on your awesome blog, that way.
Hello King.
Thank you for those kind words. The library can be just as nice as a social environment as the gym and I think it’s awesome that a lot of friends there. Hehe, I hope this article does help in creating more happiness in the world and making new friends.
lol so true!
I am glad i’ve found your wok.
I couldn’t help relating this text with something i ‘ve read today : “love is a verb, not a feeling”. I think that saying “hello” is probably the first action of love towards any other person (not necessarily romantic love). At least, its a sign of acceptance and respect.
greetings
Hi! I like that saying: love is a verb, not a feeling. I usually associated the word with a feeling, but now when you mention it, it makes sense that it is a verb since we express ourselves by loving. Saying hello to a person shows that you acknowledge that they are here in the world and is a sign of showing love to them. Thanks for your comment.
Hey Tristan. That is a brilliant post, I wrote something along the same lines called The Smiling Game: http://www.upliftantidote.co.uk/wordpress/2009/12/the-smiling-game/
I agree with you, it makes such a difference to a day – just to share our common human-ness. What’s wrong with being friendly? I think it’s crazy not to be friendly. I like in London and let me tell you, there are a lot of unhappy faces out there – but if you smile a people, a lot of people seem genuinely grateful to be seen, rather than be invisible. Keep it up Tristan. I like your vibe.
Thanks Alex – for showing this to me.
Hi Jacqui, wow you’re from London? That’s cool… my image of London was that everybody was smiley and happy. Maybe not as much since you’ve had experience there, but like you say, most people are rather friendly inside but it’s usually covered up until another person makes the effort to say hi or hello to them. Thank you.